Some fell gaming-related demon blessed me with a dark blessing. A curse, if you prefer. He bestowed upon me the ability to corrupt game consoles manufactured by Microsoft with a touch, and (in some cases) just words. It only works on Microsoft consoles that have numbers in their name.

I will attempt to impart this power upon you. Perhaps if I teach you the steps I take in destroying the souls of this consoles, you will be able to reproduce the end effect.

1. Move the Xbox: Where you currently have it, move it. The longer it has been there, the greater the chance the console will suddenly fail. Bringing it to a friend’s house isn’t enough. You must rearrange your desk or entertainment center or where ever your console calls home. Put it in a new spot. This sudden shift in its placement is enough to fill your Xbox with self-doubt. It will think it isn’t good enough for your gaming needs anymore, and it will cease to work. Congratulations, you have killed your Xbox 360.
2. Say that it will die: This is so simple that I didn’t think it would work. I mentioned to a friend that “everyone else I know who owns a 360 has had it red light on them. Why hasn’t yours?” He accused me of jinxing him, which I laughed off. Then it died within the week. When my 360 was off being repaired, I said to Nadia that “I don’t understand why mine died again and yours is still working. As bad as that thing sounds, it should have red lighted by now.” Then it did a week later.

For my own Xbox 360, I performed step 1 twice, each time killing my system. For my former neighbor (he moved after seeing witnessing the strength of my eldritch might), I only performed step 2. For Nadia’s 360, I did step 1 and 2.

Pray that I don’t speak of your console.

The current project I am working on is slowly driving me insane.

During a email conversation, I felt like interjecting a little bit of humor to make myself laugh (I really needed it):